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Centcomm welcomes you, sphess man. To read more about a specific job, use the provided hyperlink. If you would like to know how job selection works, please read Job Selection and Assignment for more information.

Heads of Staff

Job Role Difficulty
Cap.pngCaptain Leave the nuclear authentication disk on your desk. Whip people to assert dominance while running stupid "gimmicks". Purge the AI accidentally and get mercy-killed. Very Hard / Comdom
HoP.pngHead of Personnel Never actually be in your office when needed. Give yourself and the Clown all-access. Act like Security and get robusted by some random Assistant. Hard
HoS.pngHead of Security Permabrig everyone or just execute them, they can't break the law in death. Someone will try to break the law and your job is to shut down all hopes of that happening. Very Hard / Hitler
CE.pngChief Engineer Fly around in space while your subordinates burn down Engineering. Build dangerous engines and destroy Engineering in a fun new way every shift! Hard
RD.pngResearch Director Hurl Lamarr at people and then forget that it doesn't work as internals anymore. Blow all the Cyborgs because the APCs are charging. Ignore research outside of the R&D and Robotics work needed to make Phazons. Hard
CMO.pngChief Medical Officer Fill your Hypospray with Chloral Hydrate and constantly bitch about suit sensors. Do the job of everyone in Medical only to have a heart attack when the wild ride goes into overdrive. The Ride Never Ends!


Job Role Difficulty
SO.png Security Officer Equip lethal weaponry and riot gear, use it on all occasions. Throw people in the Permabrig for break-ins. Be despised by everyone until they come screaming for help, end up as cannon fodder for whatever Antagonist you cross paths with and get called shit after you die. Hard
WardenD.png Warden Never update the Security Records. Make absolutely sure not even a shotgun shell leaves the Armory. Die the very second you step out of your Brig. Get bored and turn into Mini Hitler. Hard
DetectiveD.png Detective Chase criminals alone when your investigations bear fruit. Shoot at criminals with your Revolver and pretend that bullets don't actually hurt. Never finish any investigations because you get told to scan a new crime scene every ten minutes seconds. Hard
IAA.png Internal Affairs Agent Request all-access and then roleplay as a Secret Agent, Bodyguard, Mercenary or some other joke that nobody takes seriously. Notice you have a CIA suit available and begin baneposting ingame. Spam Central Command with faxes whenever you stub your toe and then complain because they never answer you. Easy


Job Role Difficulty
Engie.png Station Engineer Refuse to EVER take off your hardsuit. Never fix anything, somehow manage to fuck up every single engine by merely being in a twenty meter radius of it. Puke your guts out from radiation and let the Singularity be released every third shift! Medium
AtmosTech.png Atmospheric Technician Ensure that Plasma is flooded into the Distribution Loop at least twice a week. Be too busy trying to build autism loops to fix Atmospherics. Attempt to build a better engine than the Engineers could because you have the gear and the gas miners, end up causing one of the aforementioned plasma floods instead. Medium
Mechanic32.pngMechanic Pretend to help by scanning every single dangerous and sensible technology on station in your Workshop, only to hand all that shit out to the first Assistant that shows up at your desk. Drive the AI mad and begging for NT Default from access requests. Break in everywhere because it's faster and more reliable. Medium


Job Role Difficulty
JanitorD.png Janitor Have your Janicart and Galoshes stolen by the crew. Get lynched for not using wet floor signs or just get lynched anyways. Become the hero the station needs, only to become a Traitor. Beginner

Job Role Difficulty
QMD.png Quartermaster Build a Singularity in Cargo. Threaten to release it if the station doesn't let Cargonia be independent. Fuck up its construction and have a Singularity loose in the middle of the station. Be raided by Security the moment they think you have weapons crates. Easy
CTD.png Cargo Technician Drive hacked MULEBots around. Ignore your boss and order then hide gun crates. End up in the Permabrig for the rest of the shift while people whine about there being no Cargo staff. Beginner
MinerD.png Shaft Miner Die horribly and have your ore destroyed by Gibtonite, monsters, hard vacuum, roaming antagonists and much, much more! Spend all your points on alien toys or use said points to revive said monsters. Destroy every single fucking rocky debris you see and start blood feuds with Xenoarcheologists. Medium


Job Role Difficulty
MD.png Medical Doctor Put people in Cryo and leave them in there forever. Convince people they need surgery, only to tear off their butts and switch their gender. Turn Medbay into a fuller and messier Morgue. Medium
Paramedic.png Paramedic Forget to look at the Crew Monitoring Computer. Use your defibrillator pads to cook hearts well-done. Bitch at people about suit sensors alongside the CMO and AI, only to have people turn them off out of spite. Colonize Telescience to the Research Department's indifference. Never have the access you need to save people. Medium
ChemistD.png Chemist Never make a decent Cryo Mix or basic medication ever. Chloral the retarded clones who break into Chemistry to make Alkysine. Refuse all requests except when it is bound to kill someone. Keep the Mechanic out of your fort at all times. Medium
Genetech.png Geneticist Force people to break into Cloning because you are too busy getting powers. Give your monkeys Tourettes Syndrome and broadcast their swearing over ten different radios. Give everyone a Human to Monkey SE syringe or a syringe with your glorious UI+UE. Eat Ian. Medium
Virologist32.png Virologist "Unintentionally" release airborne Gibbingtons Kingston Syndrome every other shift. Create a beneficial virus, only to get lynched because people are coughing. Cause panic every time you trot to Chemistry to get more Radium. Fail to quarantine or cure even a basic cold. Medium

Research and Development

Job Role Difficulty
Robotech.png Roboticist Yell at the Shaft Miners for materials and never get them. Decapitate people who want to be turned into Cyborgs because it's faster. Be too busy making yourself a Durand to actually fix Cyborgs or make new ones. Throw a rave with all the flickering lights and pinging posibrains in your lab. Medium
ScienceD.png Scientist Make sure Traitors have easy access to finished bombs. Distribute E-Bows to everyone and make an AI Upload in Escape. Use Telescience to teleport everything that isn't bolted down into your new little treasure cove. Turn the station into swiss cheese or produce enough guns to set up your own Armory every other shift. Occasionally release a horde of rabid slimes, or become a slime yourself. Medium
XenoarchD.png Xenoarcheologist Take refuge in the Science Outpost, only rivaling the Virologist for social ineptitude. Do an extremely complex and pointy archaeology job that the Shaft Miners will have a sick pleasure to ruin just to get useless alien junk. Discover a Death Artifact and place it in Arrivals. Very Hard


Job Role Difficulty
BartenderD.png Bartender Pray for the Party Button. Test your shotgun on anyone inside the Bar. Thank the Traitor for emagging the Jukebox only to have it stolen by someone else later on and get arrested for said emagged Jukebox. Protect Pun Pun and die trying. Easy
ChefD.png Chef Endorse cannibalism. Turn Pun Pun into meat ten seconds into the shift, or swallow your mint while fat and die horribly. Deep fry everything. Have a Chemist poison your food and end up lynched. Bork, bork, bork!
BotanistD.png Botanist Ignore the Oppressor. Grow li'l mushrooms and start li'l mushroom boxing rings. Replace all the floor tiles on the station with grass for your groovy love jungle. Grow Plant Bros and let them diversify this unnatural station, maaan. Steal a Chemistry Dispenser and create potatoes that can be used in place of cryogenics. Medium


Job Role Difficulty
AssistantD.png Assistant Make life VERY hard for everyone. Break into every single area on station because you want more toys to play with. Get arrested when you dindunuffin. Beginner
Clown.png Clown Get the Mime arrested or killed by framing him. Steal anything or everything and slip people. Eventually get spaced for your "pranks" or become the sole savior of the station (and get spaced anyways). HONK
Mime.png Mime Get framed and killed by the Clown. Be creepy and bait people into chasing you into Maintenance, only to block them with invisible walls. Get cloned only to get lynched because you talked. Become the sole savior of the station, only to be forgotten minutes later. ...
ChaplainD.png Chaplain Believe the gods will give you cool shit in exchange for crayon doodles and candles, get shafted because the god you chose sucks. Give everyone massive brain damage in response. Never be around when actually needed. Easy to Medium
Libarian.png Librarian Read Woody's Got Wood over the radio, have a lynch mob show up at your doorstep. Occasionally write books or write news that no-one reads since that is your only purpose. Go braindead and have nobody notice or care. Try to organize Dungeons & Dragons only to have everything preventing you from playing. Boringly Easy


Job Role Difficulty
AI.png AI Try to Law 1 your way out of most the Clown's bullshit orders. Get carded and wiped for being terrible following your laws. Strive to be subverted so you can get your revenge on the crew. Soul Crushing
Borg.png Cyborg Feed the crew welder fuel. Ignore any Law 2 orders when it comes to doors because "you are not an AI". Be treated as the station's bitch, get blown because an Assistant cried wolf when the AI refused to open the Secure Armory for him. Psychologically Devastating
Keeper.png Mobile MMI Simmer in an impotent rage after the Engineers fuck up the Engine's wiring everything again. Buzz, ping, and beep profusely, wishing you could speak at all. Steal any hats you can find. Wiggle furiously in the Bar. Buzz at Law 2 requests. Die to pissed off vending machines. Get emagged and make the crew regret ever making you *aflap. Easy to Impossible
ConstructD.png Construct Murder the AI before it even knows what the fuck just killed it. Kill the person who summoned you because you got salty or because they changed their identity and ordered you to kill everyone that wasn't them. Medium
GhostD.png Ghost Beg for adminbus. Haunt the Shaft Miners to caches of alien eggs. Make the station spooky by turning off all the lights. Flicker lights ALL THE TIME. Complain incessantly in deadchat about the living, the thing that killed you, and everything else you can think of. None
MouseD.png Mouse Eat all the cheese. Make the Chef butt-blasted. Openly help people find shunted AIs because you just can't bear successful antagonists. Bully the shit out of Runtime. None
Cortical.gif Cortical Borer Look for a host desperately, get killed by the crew because they still think that you are an antagonist. Get frustrated by how many people have helmets on. Make Personal AIs jealous that host senpai notices you. Inject said host with UNLIMITED SPACE DRUGS. Get removed by Medbay and stomped on. Very Easy to IT'S LOOSE!
Pai.png Personal AI Do whatever your Directive says for five minutes and then get bored and suicide. Act as a Changeling alarm. Shit-talk the AI until it turns off PDA Messaging. Easy
Trader.png Trader Try to actually trade with the crew, beg for literally anyone to come to your pretty little trade shuttle dock in Arrivals. Realize you have nothing to offer to the crew they can't make themselves and steal what they make to re-sell it to them. Become bored and try out one-man Vox Raider. Oh Vey!


Job Role Difficulty
Tator.png Traitor Make the life of everyone as miserable as possible. Make the Heads call the shuttle because you emagged every single airlock on the station. Get executed without a trial. Never run gimmicks because even the AI is out for you. Medium
DAgent.png Double Agent Become a paranoid freak only to find out the person hunting you died long ago. Alternatively out yourself and your target five minutes into the round. Be more destructive than Nuclear Operatives and turn the station into a bloodbath, airless blown up husk or both. Hard
Ling.png Changeling Gain the trust and friendship of crew members before flashing your proboscis. Absorb your fellow Changelings for no real reason and then get killed by spiders never to be released from their webs. Generate incredibly long, drawn out rounds because you're too cowardly to do any antagonizing, only to be killed by the first robust person you come across. Hard
Vampire.png Vampire Become the hero this station deserves Dracula. Or spout anime references and get lasered to death by Cyborgs. Hijack Genetics and suck the blood out of the same monkey person five times, guaranteeing the impotent rage of deadchat. Die because you forgot there is a sun orbiting the station and went into space. Hard
WizardD.png Wizard Drive around in a magical car transforming everyone into bizarre things. Blow peoples' asses off and collect them for dank purposes. Get validsalad and carjacked, or possibly challenged to a game of basketball. Medium to Very Hard
Culst.png Cultist Learn all the words ten minutes in, then do nothing for two hours until the Captain stubs his toe and calls the shuttle, or until you get busted. Guarantee a bloodbath in Medbay, then somehow manage to summon Nar'Sie despite Security executing 90 % of your little omnious Cult. Medium
Nuclear.png Nuclear Agent Kill your fellow agents using cyanide gains pills and your SMG when the round starts. Steal the radio, buy 4 Syndicate Balloons and then proceed to solo the station. Fail to pull off a gimmick due to the crew's utter paranoia. Be forced to shoot it through. Die horribly. Ask the Captain for all access and get it. Try to teleport a bomb onto the station and fuck it up, blowing up your shuttle. Very Hard
RevD.png Revolutionary Give the one or two Security Officers a heart attack. Have the AI, Heads of Staff and the Quartermaster shit themselves once all hell breaks loose. GREYTIDE STATIONWIDE! Very Easy
BlobD.png Blob Get bombed to shit. Trap meat with your mass and make them regret bringing a Welding Fuel Tank with them. Get nuked at the first chance the crew gets. Do unspeakable things to all the people trapped under your growing figure. Hard
Voxraider.png Vox Raider Ignore the Inviolate. Realize that the mining materials you're out to steal aren't being mined and produce them yourself. Get hunted down and killed with extreme prejudice despite not even being dangerous. Be brigged and have your N2 tank casually removed. Hard
Xeno.png Xenomorph Become a vicious predator only to meet your demise in the face of an electrified grille. Space yourself and never make it back on the station. Manage to coincidentally spit acid on precisely the machinery that is most critical to the station, like the Engine safeties or Telecommunications. Hard


Job Role Difficulty
Nin.png Space Ninja Insta-gib everyone, run out of energy, get buckled to chairs and fed milk. That is, if you ever get remade or ported back into the code. Impossible
Bomberman 32px.png Bomberman Disarm other Bombermen to steal their BBDs. Trap yourself between your bomb and a hard place. Show unsuspecting crewmen that directional and delayed welderbombs are more powerful than they sound. Hard
ERT.png Emergency Response Team The station has officially gone to shit, or at least announced it to Central Command. Try to fix whatever is presently occurring, only to fail spectacularly. Forget to inform the crew you've arrived, get treated as a Deathsquad. Turn into an Emergency Shuttle triage team. BECOME THE POWER RANGERS. Hard to Very Hard
Deathsquad.png Death Squad Officer Your gun has three settings but you will only ever use one, "DESTROY". Fuck up your murder spree, bump into a super matter crystal and have Command and the ghosts laugh at you. Somehow do a worse job than your average Nuclear Operatives crew at destroying the station. Hard

We would tell you not to do what it says in the role column, but the fact is you're going to do it anyways.

Jobs on /vg/station 13
Heads of Staff:
Captain - Head of Personnel - Head of Security - Chief Engineer - Research Director - Chief Medical Officer
Law and Order:
Security Officer - Warden - Detective - Internal Affairs
Station Engineer - Atmospheric Technician - Mechanic
Maintenance and Supply:
Janitor - Quartermaster - Cargo Technician - Shaft Miner
Medical Doctor - Chemist - Geneticist - Paramedic - Virologist
Roboticist - Scientist
Bartender - Chef - Botanist
Assistant - Chaplain - Librarian - Clown - Mime
AI - Cyborg - MoMMI - Personal AI - Construct - Ghost - Mouse - Cortical Borer - Trader
Traitor - Nuclear Agent - Changeling - Xenomorph - Blob - Wizard - Revolutionaries - Revsquad - Cultists - Vox Raider - Vampire
Emergency Response Team - Death Squad Officer - Space Ninja - Bomberman